Why Does It Have To Take So Damn Long?
So, for most of this year I have been spending time learning a new language and taking guitar and singing lessons.
Sharing that with the world makes me a little nervous. It’s just so personal. It’s something I have been wanting to do for a long time but kept putting off.
...and even though I am practicing and working at it, and have for a while now, I still feel like I’m stumbling and fumbling a lot.
When do you ever find your groove? That moment where you feel like you’ve just got it?
A part of me thought, after 6 months, surely I would have it by now.
I keep wanting to get “there”. I want already to achieve...to have...to do. I want to already be speaking the language fluidly like I see it in my head. I want to already be gliding my hand perfectly up and down the neck of my guitar. I want to already be strumming away doing all the fancy things you see the pros doing. But, instead, here I am missing every other note making horrible sounds and wondering if I’ll ever get it. It’s a mess if ever anyone was watching, and even though no one is watching, I still feel embarrassed.
This is where I’m learning that the lesson is in the Journey and that the destination really is nothing. It’s the process of learning these things where I am gaining the most from.
It’s the moments when I mess up again and again and question if I’m making progress that I have to remind myself to keep Believing and keep going. Slow down...relax..and Flow with it.
It’s in the moments when the language teacher is speaking really fast, I don’t understand, my mind begins to panic, and I start to feel really overwhelmed. It’s in those moments when I have to become still and remember to Trust my Self.
It’s the times when it’s 12:30 at night and I’m tired but I haven’t done my lesson for the day and my mind says “Oh, don’t worry, one day won’t matter you’ll get it tomorrow” that I have to remind myself of my commitment. So I get up, get my guitar, do my lessons, and go to bed by 1.
It’s the little steps over time that lead to big progress and pride. A space from which I can say I’m doing it. I’m making it happen and it’s not just an idea in my head anymore. Cause I’m Earthing it into my Reality.
I’m seeing that it’s not about getting there fast. It’s about getting there well and discovering my way. Even if it’s incredibly slow.
They say that the day you plant the seed is not the same day you eat the fruit.
...and some things take longer to Harvest.