Playing With Light

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I just recently found this photo. 

It’s one of my favorite Self portraits. 

I took it one day, late at night, as the street light shined just at the right angle through the window of my hotel room. 

There's just something about it that reminds me of me. Of who I am and who I long to be all at the same time.

When I see it, it says to me “come this way...come this way...just a little more”.

Oh, but at the same time this photo brings up SO many vulnerable feelings.

I almost didn’t want to show it cause it makes me feel that vulnerable.

It feels too sexy. To sensual. Inside is this drive to keep it hidden. To keep it private. That it’s too much. 

Thoughts run through my mind like: What would people think? How dare I admit that I want to feel sexy? How dare I photograph myself in a moment when I did? How dare I show it?

I don’t know where I picked up any of these thoughts or feelings. I just know I have them...and that they come out when I get too close to truly expressing myself. 

This is a part of me that I’ll admit I keep hidden from the world.

But it occurred to me recently, how can I ask any of my clients to open up, be themselves, to shine, to show themselves in front of my camera...to express themselves more in coaching...if I’m still hiding?

I can’t ask people to be more, do more, go deeper if it’s a place I’m not willing to venture to first.

That is the path of the teacher. The artist...and the Human Journey. It is the biggest part of The Art Of Becoming. 

To learn. To develop. To first touch the deepest parts of ourselves and then share what we learn from others.

To first be our own Guru.

We have to be willing to be too much.

To be seen.

To be heard.

To let people be in awe of you.

Not everyone will disagree with you. 

...but if they do. Be willing to allow it. 

...and if you disagree with them, be willing to say it...and why.

If they challenge you, stand by yourself.

Either way...you can't keep all of who you are from others. Because in doing so, your robbing them of the benefit OF knowing you.

...and that would be a shame.

Truly.

...and it’s robbing you as well of the opportunity to be known.

Which is your Divine right.

We don’t have to get all of it perfect. God knows, I’m still working on this myself. But the most important thing, I feel, is that I’m willing. 

...and I think that’s all the Universe asks for.